A Little Bit of Me

Jottings and Writing, miscellanous misgivings

Ugly Modelling days have ended

‘Well my days as an ugly model are coming to an end. I had been working as a security guard when I was asked to deliver a parcel to the offices of The Ugly Model Agency. Usually I don’t do that sort of work but it was some high finance stuff and they wanted the extra security. The guy at the front desk didn’t show much interest at first then he kind of squinted at me and asked me to take off my motorcycle helmet. I didn’t want to because to be perfectly honest with you I am not the greatest looker in the world but he was persistent so I undid the chinstrap and slipped it off. I will try to describe how I look. I have a long, angular face and a receding hairline. My dumb parents never caught on to the idea of orthodontics and my teeth are a mess. I have two very prominent front teeth which kind of stick out of my mouth, even when it is closed. My eyes bulge and when I get angry they really stick out. My best feature is my neck, which is long, and graceful with a prominent adams apple, which I have been told, is very sexy on a man. My body is kind of emaciated on account of I don’t eat all that well. I once worked out but it didn’t do much for me except get some queer looks at the gym. And I have big feet and hands. You know what that means. Anyway, this guy takes a look at me and asks me if I want to be a model. I asked him what he meant and if he was taking the mickey out of me but he insisted there was a market for someone with my looks. I grinned and said I was game as long as I didn’t have to take off my clothes. He assured me that I wouldn’t which turned out to be so not true. Before I knew it, I was out of security and into quirky ads that called for what the trade called ‘geek boys’. Basically the agency was for ugly people who were used to make an ad stand out. The nude shot was through a window and my biggest feature was obscured by the hand of the presenter but I suppose that was when all this started.

I had never been one for the girls but there was this one person who worked at the agency who I immediately felt drawn to. Nina was also an ugly model though I thought she was beautiful. Perhaps a little on the heavy side but she had a beautiful face and her voice just turned me to melted chocolate. She had this way of lifting the end of a sentence so it came out like a beautiful little request. She was also super confident and she didn’t pay attention to the sniggering comments that some of the agency folk made about us. She said that we all had an inner beauty and that was what counted.

I don’t remember much of how this latest thing started. I just kind of came too and I had this gun in one hand and this video camera in the other and there was Nina lying on the bed covered in blood, her dress scrunched up around her waist. She wasn’t so beautiful anymore. Dead people look like they have just had this big shock and Nina didn’t look any different. She was just staring at the roof with this genuine look of surprise on her face. Yet, she must have known that something like this was bound to happen. She had such insight, and she said she could see into my soul. That was before she gave me the cold shoulder and talked about having time out and shit like that. I guess that it must have been me that shot her, but like I say, I haven’t any clear memory of doing it. Unlike Lou, where I have a very precise and clear recollection of everything that went on. I remember turning from the bed where Nina lay and there, framed in the doorway, was Lou. Now Lou had been sniffing around Nina for months and I knew she was interested in him. Lou owned the Ugly Agency and Lou liked to be flashy. He threw his money around and dressed extravagantly. Lou drove a little Italian sports car and Lou also drove Nina crazy with the way he gave her little compliments and gifts. Lou just stood there and his mouth formed this little O and he looked at the bed and then me and his hand slipped form the door jamb and he started to turn but not before I shot him in his cute little arse. He pitched forward and I started the camera rolling as he lay there twitching and squealing on the ground. I kicked him hard in the ribs and he rolled over. He was more surprised than mortally hurt and I wanted to have some fun with Lou. To make him suffer for what I had to go through lying in my narrow little bed those nights thinking of Nina and what she was up to while she was cooling it. I propped Lou up against the wall, shoved the camera at him, and ordered him to film me. He didn’t get it at first, the stupid fool. I wanted to see him taping me as I killed him. He did as he was told though. I’ll give him that. Lou had a great sense of self preservation. I told him what a rotten little bastard he was and he nodded and agreed with me even though I could see that he was only humouring me. Then it must have dawned on him because he got real serious and started pleading. He offered me all sorts of things. How we could say that we had come in on Nina and found her being raped by someone who shot her before we could stop him. How he had all this money he would give me. How he would give me back my job again and the good assignments that the new boy-ugly was getting. When I started my little death speech his eyes got really wide and he started squealing again. I told him how I giveth and then I taketh away and that is how it is in this bastardizing life. Then I pulled the trigger and shot Lou in the head. The camera was a little messy what with brains and blood all over but the picture turned out good and I’ll give it to Lou he managed to hold the damn thing steady even though he was terrified. And my little speech was great. It will look good on the news when they play this out for how many nights it will stay as the lead item. There will probably be a big demand for all my old ads to so the agency will do real well out of it. Pity that I won’t be around to see it all and bask in the glory. I guess all the activity I can hear in the background means that someone has heard the shots and have reported it. The cops will be storming up those stairs any minute now with their bulletproof vests and their guns. They will want to talk me down and then they will want me to talk to someone before they decide whether I am sane enough to try for a double homicide. Well I won’t give them the satisfaction. I’ll save them the time and money. I’ll leave them my film and let the media vultures dissect and disseminate.

I can hear their jackboots coming up the stairs. I have made my last statement. I will put the gun into my mouth in a few seconds and I will end this life.


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